Affirmation...
I considered an important decision a while back, scared that I would set myself up to fall again. So I stalled, waited, then stalled and waited some more.

Then I remembered that life should move forward and while I have little control over how I feel, my actions are purely mine. If I'm searching for happiness, why bother going back to something that proved so disappointing and painful. What's that stupid saying? Something like "Fool me once, shame on you.... fool me twice, shame on me." However I butchered the phrase, you get the idea. It hit me that lonliness and feeling a little empty inside shouldn't push me to set myself up for another betrayal. If life is the culmination of learning through experience, why volunteer to regress to a time when I dreamed of any accident that would end the hurt. So I decided not to take any "life altering acts."

Earlier this week, a friend of mine informed me about some recent happenings involving the people in question. It was uncomfortable to hear (as it usually is), but at the end I realized I avoided a disasterous situation. I stayed clear of one fucked up human being. I won't be a recurring episode in someone's soap opera. The last time was so disappointing and realizing someone you loved is really the type of person you hate, kills your faith in people. Once is enough.

Since that ugly time, so much has changed in my life. Aside from being active in things I want to do, my mind has grown so much stronger. I can truly say that it was a learning experience and I can't believe how much I've changed since then. Will that person even recognize me now? Not really. I wouldn't think so.

I've managed to keep the things I like. Ask any of my friends and I'm sure they'll say I'm a generous guy (sometimes to a fault), always willing to help when needed (in anyway possible). The way my son speaks to me confirms that I'm doing good as a parent. Yet my mind works so differently now. Sometimes you go through the pain and come out with a sense of strength. Lysa would always tell me to stop bringing broken people into my life. You know, I haven't heard her say that in a long time. Maybe I've finally learned.

Lare

Posted at 09:30 # G